Standard Service Doe

Standard Service Doe
Standard Service Doe is a special class of service workers for HO AG. They are hand-picked individuals of all-female European Deer (Capreolus capreolus) and are required to undergo a number of surgical augmentations, most of which are of cosmetic nature.

The services performed by such staff include, among other things: waiting, bar tending, cooking and food preparation, cleaning and light types of maintenance as well as sexual services.

Standard Service Does are primarily young women, usually referred to as simply “SSDs”, whose revealing outfits and sex appeal are played up and are a primary component of the job image. HO AG employs only woman and usually only European deer, though some exceptions have known to be made for other types of deer, mostly Whitetail does.

History
HO AG has been known to employ primarily female service staff long before the conceiving of the Standard Service Doe job description but the proper designation wasn’t given until the construction of the HO Office Tower in Berlin in 1956. After the tower was completed, HO would begin to hire female staff to fill service positions in the lounges and executive relaxation areas. The companies’ stringent policies regarding physical attributes of workers would eventually lead to numerous lawsuits which resulted the company to seek alternative solutions.

The year 1962 saw the first mention of Standard Service Doe as a job descriptor. Since of September 1962, the profession is officially listed in the company records.

Standard Service Doe Girls
A Standard Service Doe is recognized by their extremely exaggerated physique which is the result of numerous surgical augmentations. They receive saline breast implants with a volume of about 80.000 CCs, buttocks- and thigh implants with a total combined volume of 75.000 CCs as well as Vulva implants with a volume of about 830 CCs. To accommodate the intense stress the implants exert on their bodies, a "internal bra" crafted from organic tissue (spider silk) is drawn across the torso while the spinal cord is heavily reinforced with wires and bolts made from titanium alloys, a method commonly used in the treatment of scoliosis. All surgical procedures are performed by company-owned clinics. The work attire consists of bright pink thong and small pink bikini top, with some of them wearing black leather belts to attach wallets or pockets.

Legal History
In 1995, three Berlin women sued HO AG after being denied employment for open food service positions, as hiring for Standard Service Does – which also are tasked with canteen work – were still being accepted. HO managed to avoid the lawsuit, arguing that positions for Standard Service Does are not listed officially but rather sent directly to potential employees. Therefore, they are considered an “invitation” rather than an open position. The three women allegedly had heard about the open positions from a friend who was invited but declined the offer. Each of them was rewarded 37.000 Deutsche Mark (about € 19.100, not accounting for inflation). The settlement allowed HO to continue its business practices.

In 1998, a Feminist movement “Frauen für Berlin“ (Ger. Women for Berlin) attempted filing a class-action lawsuit. The lawsuit stated that HO AG’s hiring model would lure young woman into the position using the prospect of lavish paychecks and stable job positions but failed to outline consequences the medical procedures may have long-term. They also claimed that the company would make use of systematic blackmail and intimidation techniques to “keep their sluts in check”. They also claimed that there was lack of any means for workers to file complaints. The lawsuit continued into 2001 but was eventually dismissed with prejudice by supreme court as none of the women actually employed were willing to participate in the lawsuit. At least 6 workers have publicly denounced the lawsuit, disputing many of the claims Frauen für Berlin had made.

In 2006, a group of online users attempted to DDoS servers belonging to HO AG in an effort to disrupt the hiring process. The attacks had overall little effect, only causing embedded images failing to loading for a couple of hours on August 12th. HO did not press charges but at least 3 suspects were arrested as the DDoS also had affected a Node, resulting in terminals of a public transport service remaining inaccessible for almost 4 days.

Legal reinforcements
2008 saw the company making efforts to protect the status of their work force, citing that their staff was facing discrimination for their physical appearance as well as the company's detractors attempting to use them as scapegoats. This resulted in the formation of a Union for Standard Service Does which protects them from being legally required to appear as witnesses in front of court for cases concerning HO AG This expunging from witness duty in turn protected the company from any further lawsuits, as without a witness it is very unlikely to have any court accept such cases.

Legal status
In employment discrimination law in Germany, employers are generally allowed to consider characteristics that would otherwise be discriminatory if they are bona fide species qualifications (BFSQ). For example, a manufacturer of dairy may lawfully advertise for hiring female cows. HO AG has argued a BFSQ defense, which applies when “essence of the business operation would be undermined if the business eliminated its discriminatory policy”. These claims were of dubious nature at best and were not considered a valid reasoning in front of the supreme court of Berlin.

Following this, HO once again argued that, because the hiring is performed on a personal basis, the positions are not to be seen as a job offering but rather an “invitation”. This specific handling of hiring allows HO to continue to operate without infringing on employment laws in Germany, which do not allow employers to discriminate based on gender or species when hiring.

Employee handbook requirements
A version of the Standard Service Doe Handbook (Status: 2019), published by Voluptueux Magazine reads:"Customers of HO AG, leader of technical innovation and medical finance, rewards its most loyal and dedicated workers with a treat like none other; The Standard Service Doe. A shining example of surgical precision and engineering work. You are that shining example. Act like it!""The Standard Service Doe is required to sign that they “acknowledge, affirm and vow to always bear utmost attention to” the following:"


 * 1) "My job duties require I wear the designated uniform and I object to covering any more of my body."
 * 2) "My job duties require that I interact with and entertain the gentleman- and woman to the best of my erotic abilities."
 * 3) "The Standard Service Doe concept is based on sex appeal and depravity, extreme features and professionalism. Whatever is asked of me is performed with a smile and requests will neither be denied nor questioned."